Wanted: Part I

I am an emotional girl. There are certain songs that speak to me on a level that taps into my deepest longings and emotions. This one in particular I could listen to over and over again. I grew up believing I was a mistake. And I’ve lived the majority of my life trying to justify and make my life worthwhile. I have often felt burdensome to those around me which has led me to be an extreme people pleaser. I never want to overwhelm you with my problems or feelings. I always want you to like me and believe the best about me. And my greatest fear is that if you get to know me, all of me, the deepest part of me you will abandon me-- reject me.

When I first heard this song I felt the Father drawing me to Him. I love how God speaks through all things. The verse, “I will never leave you or forsake you” kept repeating in my mind. I know I’m not the only girl who has struggled believing in her worth or value. And the myriad of avenues a girl can take to eliminate that pain or at least numb it are endless. The sad thing is most of them are so damaging- cutting, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism, empty sex and unfulfilling- success, popularity, money, fashion. At the end of the day, alone with your thoughts, all you really want to know is that you are loved for who you are. All of you, the deepest part of you. Not for anything you can do or how you look.

Just to know that you are wanted.

And I can say without any doubt that YOU are. 

See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. He waits. Beckoning daily. Giving you glimpses of His love. Romancing you- whispering gently into your ear, You’re wanted. And not just tonight, but tomorrow and always.  Even in this moment of ugly despair and loneliness. You’re wanted. All of you, the deepest part of you.  For I loved you so much that I gave my life just to be with you. That’s how much you’re wanted. And nothing will ever separate you from my love. You cannot even fathom how wide and how long and how vast my love is for you. 

You’re wanted.

No matter what you’ve believed or been told.  

Fact over feeling. Truth over the lies.  The saying fake it til you make it applies here, especially for me. Because I have chosen to believe the opposite is true. The lie has become so intertwined in my thoughts that I have to resist the easy way out of just falling into the same thought patterns and continuing to wallow in the misery of my pity party.  And it is exactly where the enemy wants me to live. Doubting, questioning, putting myself down, devaluing the life I have been blessed with.  Let’s just call it what it is. UNBELIEF. I do not believe what God says. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true. I could claim all day long that gravity does not exist but as soon as I jump off a building the harsh reality is I will fall to the ground- my opinion or feelings, past experiences, past rejections,  present circumstances do not change the facts, will never alter the TRUTH.  

The truth is I am wanted.

 Not for my abilities or appearance.  Not based on my desirability or seductiveness. He has seen my unformed body, my baby fresh body, my awkward adolescent body, my post twin bearing body. He has seen my joyful moments and my dark secret moments no one would ever dare hang around for.  And He STILL wants me. There is nothing I can or cannot do that will stop Him from pursuing me. And I will lather, rinse and repeat my thoughts in this cleansing truth until one day I DO believe it and it changes the way I live. I will fake it. God, help my unbelief! And you can join me in the faking. Until we make it.  Really make it- to the arms of the ONE who says I want you for YOU.

Join me as we run toward the one who truly wants US!