Abundant

Living life to the full… there are so many interpretations of what that might mean. Before I had kids, time seemed to go so slowly. The Christmas season took forever to arrive. And once it was in full force, I could never get enough. Then winter would DRAG on before the dawn of spring. Living in Texas, no matter how slow time can pass, spring is NEVER long enough. Summer always seems to linger longer than wanted. Then fall creeps in with its dreary hue.

These days I can hardly keep up. I look at my calendar (that my anal retentive self marks off as days pass) and realize I’ve missed crossing off an entire week and it’s almost into the next month. (Don’t worry my OCD kicks in and all days are marked accordingly) I look over the month and wonder, What did I do with my time? This short time of a lifetime that seems to be fading away faster than I can say stop.

Don’t get me wrong. The days with twins can be LOONG and I mean loooooong. I spend my free time finding ways to keep my boys entertained. At three, these guys seem to think their purpose in life is to destroy every toy, book, thing that exists in this house and once that is completed (less than 2 seconds) they set out to find me and make sure I can do nothing other than tend to their ever impending need or desire. I find myself day dreaming of other places I’d rather be. Excursions to the Mediterranean full of wine and leisure time to explore the countryside. Heck, these days I’d settle for a quiet bubble bath for at least an hour with no interruptions.

But then that part of me that thinks, (and never stops thinking) wonders if I’m really living this life to the full. Am I embracing every moment, opportunity, glimpse of heaven that comes my way? And why does it seem that tragedy has to occur near me before I really inventory what I have been investing in?

There are times I’m forced to truly evaluate what really matters. If I knew tomorrow might be my last day, how would I spend today? Would I really get upset about milk on the floor? Or could I see past a minor spill to a face of pure innocence and vunerability that desperately needs to know he is loved for WHO he is not how he performs? Could I give up MY time to do what I want to read that same book for the millionth time, and find JOY in it? Because what IF it was the last time I COULD read it?

There are a number of songs written about living like you’re dying. And obviously, I seem to glean a lot from music. I can’t seem to just enjoy a song for its beat like my husband. No, I have to analyze the lyrics and figure out what the artist is trying to say. So, when I really think like living as if I were dying—I think BIG things. Heck yes I’m leaving on a jet plane to Italy. Why of course money is no object. Need something? You name it, I got it. Doesn’t matter, I won’t be here tomorrow. But then I think (again) why is it in the BIG things that I find meaning, abundant life?

As I mark the days off my calendar, I am reminded of how I have spent my days. Most are blank, those days I was just trying to get through. Some have events written- dance party, bowling with friends, dinner with new friends, weekly gathering with friends. These make me smile. Those times spent with people make my heart smile.

So then I wonder. Why should ANY day be blank? What if every day was labeled with something significant? It may not be a trip to Italy. But that moment when my child’s dimpled smiled made time stand still? When we were lying on the trampoline soaking up the sunshine and enjoying the presence of one another? Could each day have an event, a moment in time, that defined it? Because we are not called to a life of mundane, nor do we actually live one. No, we are given LIFE and life abundant. Is it possible that we are living such a life but are blinded to it? Do we focus more on the have nots and unfulfilled wishes? I say we, I mean me because I know that has been my M.O.

But this is my new M.O. No more blank dates. And even if I have crossed out a day and left it blank, the reality is, it was FULL. That day was full of grace, love, joy, blessings and peace. Yes, I might have experienced anger, frustration, bitterness and resentment. But if I were really living like I were dying, what would I choose to remember?

Yes. Those moments. That smile. That laugh. That kiss.

Life, Full, Abundant.

Join me in remembering and thanking God for a calendar full of good things.