#Belief

If Oprah hadn’t done it, you know good and well I was on a mission to have it done.

Can I tell you how much I loved it? How my poor husband had to endure nights of my deep questions and annoying exuberance?

This world. This earth. This life. All the beauty in it. I was just overwhelmed. Amazed. And I felt something I haven’t felt in quite a while. INSPIRATION.

I have long held my Christian beliefs. And I grew up believing we were the right ones. We have the ONLY truth. We serve the ONE true God. As I have gotten older it has become apparent to me that is what everyone thinks about their own personal faith. Why can anyone claim a corner on the market of GOD? It brings to mind the ancient story of the blind men and the elephant. Each is touching a different part describing the elephant as undeniably such, unable to grasp the whole picture.

Isn’t that what we are all doing? Barely scratching the surface of an Infinite Being. All of us wanting to describe God as WE know Him and understand Him to be -based on our cultural biases and religious texts.

I watched each story with fascination. I cried more times than I can count.The realization that (most) everyone seeks the Beyond. Everyone, at some point questions the meaning of existence. I know many may ask and seek no further. But in each case featured on the series, these people of faith lived what they believed. Pursued the Divine. And it was breathtaking. And I couldn’t help but think of Heaven. Where every nation, tribe and tongue will be worshiping God. I know I rival Franklin Graham when I say this but maybe, just maybe, God is so big and so vast and so indescribable we each are touching only a portion of Him with our understanding.

There is so much anger and hatred and division in our world. I think we fear what we don’t know or understand. If we made the effort to study one another, other cultures, faiths and ideas could we have a greater understanding? Do we have to agree? No. Can we debate such ideas? Potentially, but only with great care and maturity. After watching this series I realized I have so much to learn. And that one day I really want to participate in the Hindu Holi day.

I will highlight a few of my favorites. The first was that of the Nigerian Muslim Religious leader and the Christian Pastor. The history of hatred and violence between those two religions in that area alone is spattered with unnecessary and innocent bloodshed. Both were justified in their anger towards one another. They were true enemies seeking to destroy one another. Until they had a meeting with a reporter that encouraged them to reconcile. They were able to hold fast to their faiths agreeing that forgiveness was something they could agree on. Both faiths teach forgiveness. Which is precisely what they have done. And now they travel together to Muslim communities-- this Christian pastor puts his life at risk in an effort to offer peace. He says, “I pray for him to become Christian, and he prays for me to become Muslim. But we are both stubborn.” Yet they work together he said for the sake of the children. These precious souls that carry the responsibility of how they will operate and respond to those who may not believe as they do. These men are showing them an honorable example of what it means to truly forgive.

The second was similar in nature. It took place in Israel--an equally if not more religiously divided place. A man of no religious affiliation, instead, a love for music, has composed an orchestra of musicians that include Jews, Christians, and Muslims. They practice together. They play together. And together they create beautiful music. Differences aside. Tears rolled down my face as I watched the concert that was filled with spectators and musicians alike that have shared a violently divisive past because of religion yet sat peacefully experiencing this moving symphony together. United.

The final highlight (so hard to limit to three!) was the Australian- Dr. John. I'm sure being from Australia helped as well as his accent which was mixed with a South African background, but he was such a genuine soul. One I felt connected to. I empathized with him. And yes, cried with him. He went on the "camino" hike--500 miles stopping at popular Catholic spots. He had lost his faith after viewing the horrific acts unfold before him as he fought in the civil war in South Africa. Many people joined him on the hike and he would speak to every individual he came across. It was so beautiful. The people. The hike. The emotion that overcame him as he entered a church for the first time in 40 years. They came together to have a meal and I wanted so badly to be transported there. To sit among each pilgrim and hear their story.

I wonder what the world might look like if we were able to find the things we actually agree on? If we could put our differences aside and focus on Love and Forgiveness? Isn’t that the way of Christ? I would argue that most religions agree on those two things.

Now before you start commenting or private messaging me your concern for my eternal destiny and tell me how dangerous this road is I’m walking-- that I’m headed down a slippery slope, please know I am not renouncing my faith in Christ. I DO believe he died to save the world. That HE is the savior of THE WORLD. That when He whispered it is finished He meant it. I believe the Bible is a beautiful book that tells us the story of many lives influenced and affected by God. And throughout the whole thing it points to redemption through Christ. Restoration has already begun.

I just want to raise awareness to the fact that we are so conditioned by our culture and upbringing. Our faith hinges so much on what part of the world we were born and in what family we were raised. I want to release God from the confines of my understanding and interpretations. I need him to be bigger. Indescribable. Uncontainable.

Eugene Peterson’s interpretation of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13 says it better than I could ever compose:

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Oh. my. goodness. 

I just need to take a moment.

I long for the day our incompletes are canceled. 

Until then I will hold all of my thoughts and ideas with open hands. Fully knowing whatever they may be they are ultimately incomplete.

And I will honor the journey other people are on. Respecting the fact that they seek truth as much as I do. And desire to be complete. Any position I argue will be on the basis of love and love alone.

And if you didn’t get a chance to watch it and want to, you better believe I recorded it.. so come on over! I promise to maintain my composure.

Stupid Girl

I've been awfully quiet lately. Not without thought, let me assure you.

I couldn't let this one go. Not because it angered me. Rather because it intrigued me. I would never claim to be of high intelligence.. heck, I just misspelled the word twice before having to look it up. I not E. 

And clearly if you happen to be reading along this blogging journey I have come to a place in my faith walk where I am not completely sure of things. So I'm fascinated by reading about the journeys and opinions of others regarding faith and religion. I am trying to do away with "religion" and instead, truly seek out what my faith really means. 

So this article caught my attention. Religious people are less intelligent than atheists

And here is my response.

It seems astounding to me that such extensive research has taken place.  I can’t begin to imagine the numbers of people polled to gather the necessary information to in fact determine that whatever quantifies as “intelligence” actually reigns supreme in those who have denied the existence of God.

As I read the “explanation” behind what constitutes greater intelligence I was really just confused.  And left for wanting a bit more substantial evidence or points. Most of the research cited, dated back to the early to mid 1900’s so it wasn’t very clear how relevant the information is to today.  If you choose not to read it I will sum up the apparent reasons as to what makes people intelligent. Obviously further education was listed, but so was stable marriage and financial security in addition to having a clear direction and purpose with a career.  So because you have more head knowledge,  things in your life are easier and cause you to “need” God less.

“People possessing the functions that religion provides are likely to adopt atheism, people lacking these very functions (e.g., the poor, the helpless) are likely to adopt theism,” the researchers wrote.”

I read this quote and really sat with it. And realized, this isn’t really “news”. There is nothing new under the sun.  In fact, the Bible speaks to this very idea. Affirms it in a sense.  

"The Message that points to Christ on the Cross seems like sheer silliness to those hellbent on destruction, but for those on the way of salvation it makes perfect sense. This is the way God works, and most powerfully as it turns out. It’s written,

I’ll turn conventional wisdom on its head,
I’ll expose so-called experts as crackpots.

So where can you find someone truly wise, truly educated, truly intelligent in this day and age? Hasn’t God exposed it all as pretentious nonsense? Since the world in all its fancy wisdom never had a clue when it came to knowing God, God in his wisdom took delight in using what the world considered dumb—preaching, of all things!—to bring those who trust him into the way of salvation."

Keep reading the rest here. 1 Cor 1:18-31 MSG

Our minds comprehend what we can logically understand and define. I started reading The Jesus I Never Knew by Phillip Yancey and he so eloquently and honestly explains by using examples from Dostoevsky and his own personal struggle with Christ, how it would have been so much easier during the temptation,  for Jesus to just prove it to Satan that He really was who He said He was. Instead he practiced restraint.

 “Did Jesus not realize that people want more than anything else to worship what is established beyond dispute? ‘Instead of taking possession of man’s freedom, you increased it, and burdened the spiritual kingdom of mankind with its sufferings forever. You desired man’s free love, that he should follow you freely, enticed and taken captive by you’… He surrendered his greatest advantage: the power to compel belief.”

To me it is not an issue of intelligence really. It’s an issue of courage. An issue of FAITH. One that I have personally been wrestling with. I get how self sufficiency and obtaining self regulation and self enhancement can be desirous and ultimately lead one to defy any deity. The rich young ruler for instance, who by all accounts would fit this “modern day intelligent man”, successful, wealthy, fulfilled with the best this life had to offer, walked away from Christ.  He turned his back on God because he didn’t want to give up all he had accrued and it made him sad.  And I get it. Now it makes sense why it is so much easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a “rich” man to get into the kingdom of heaven.

I’m a white knuckler. I hold onto things I feel I have earned or I think I deserve. Not giving much if any credit to where they came from or from whom they came. I want and I want and I strive and I create this world of comfort and security in an effort to afford myself the fulfillment I think I deserve. And I would venture to say no matter who you are or where you stand on the issue of faith, that you too make effort towards the same goal.

I have a degree in Performing Arts and I often dreamed of making it big. I thought about celebrities and what their lives might be like. And I wonder, who is a friend to the celebrity? I mean really? Can anyone be trusted when you are famous? Wouldn’t you always wonder if they really wanted to be friends with you because of who you were rather than your well known name, or how much money you had? And that thought broke my heart.

Then it makes me turn my attention toward God. We are such users. We use friends, family members, drugs, alcohol, status, job title, you name it we use it and as long as it meets our needs it is worth our devotion. And I start to think this is also how we often see God too. As long as He is meeting our needs he is worth our devotion. Until He asks me to give everything away, He’s good.  As long as He doesn’t mess with my comfort or security, or point out any of my imperfections or misgivings, we can be cool.  But the minute I’m forced to concede with parts of my life that I’m not proud of or admit that I am unable to perform then I have no NEED for God.  Because I am self sufficient. I got this. God has no hand in this. It is easier to walk away than it is to FACE our reality.

So to quantify my own “intelligence”, I have a bachelor’s degree. I am happily married with 2 kids. I have had a number of jobs in my life and we are stable financially. And my journey of questioning God really began when I started losing things that were dear to me. It seems easier to me to essentially “walk away” because in the end, what I’m giving up doesn’t seem to equate to what I’m getting back.  That rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous alike. There is no “reward” for being so self sacrificing and giving. Or is there?

The message of the gospel is so backwards compared to the Westernized way of thinking. The first shall be last and the last shall be first?? Not Survival of the fittest? If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it. Not a live for the moment mentality? So I’m fighting these messages I’ve bought into and transformed into some kind of westernjesusbibletheology.

And I’m really sitting with those passages. I see the face of the rich young ruler in mine. I become sad because I fear I’m not willing to relinquish the death grip my fists have on all I deem as MINE. I fear He won’t be enough. It is easier to seek satisfaction here and now. Instant gratification but is it truly gratifying?

The thing about intelligent people is they have probably come to similar conclusions about God. They really take him at his word. And simply don’t like it. Disagree with it and would rather just dismiss it as fairytales than actually believe it to be true because it goes against EVERYTHING they have strived to achieve and build up for themselves.

Faith calls us not to stupidity, but full surrender. Which some may consider stupid, I suppose. Why would you surrender to someone you can’t see? I personally see it as a very courageous act. A willingness to lay aside one’s hopes, dreams, desires and place them in the hands of the ONE who gave them to us in the first place. It seems scary and daring. Outrageous and radical. Sounds like a life of adventure and unpredictability. A wild ride. An unfolding of those tightly clenched fists flaring open presented as an offering to the one who has offered it all.

So like it says in 1 Cor, I'm signing up to be a nobody--in a world where making a name for yourself is what matters. But I admire those that have gone before me and were fully surrendered for the sake of Christ and for the sake of love. And I can't deny that love is the whole reason behind this thing called faith after all. I just know I can't do it alone. And if you're in, we can't do it alone. We need each other. Let's be nobodies together and love all the nobodies the world could do without. Then anybody and everybody just might wonder what all us nobodies are up to. And we will look stupid and maybe feel stupid. But, "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?"

And I pray just like the father in Mark 9 "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Not just for myself. But for all of us. 

And I waiver and I wander and I dilly dally away from what I hear Him saying and the promises He offers. I dissect the desires of my heart and ask am I willing to follow no matter what?

A life of ease and shelving this idea of God.

Or a life of full, total surrender. Unyielding.

This is what faith truly asks of us. Not our IQ.