Moving beyond breathing (contentment in the mess)

As a mother of twins my house is in constant disarray. I love the pinterest posts about cleaning house with a toddler. Like eating oreos while brushing your teeth. Or laundry-  like trying to straighten a desk full of papers with a fan blowing on it. It is a frustrating task to say the least and especially for someone who grew up in a home that always seemed pristine.  

I am down right ashamed of the condition of my bathrooms. If anyone comes to visit, the guest bathroom will certainly get some of my attention. But you know the drill… quick wipe down of the sink a scrub with the toilet brush and closing of the shower curtain can usually do the trick. My bathroom on the other hand… not only NO but, well you know. No one is welcome. I often have the thought, “what would my mother say” if she saw this? It is truly embarrassing. It makes me uncomfortable. Not sure how I manage to get clean myself in such a condition.

The crazy thing is, my husband never seems to notice. EVER. I’m not sure if men were just designed with blinders or they literally cannot see clutter, hair, mildew, residue on every surface- (I told you it was shameful).  He has a perpetually clogged sink. And it is not until I tire of the disgusting mess that I realize he has been using this sink that fills up as soon as the tap is turned on and takes about 5 minutes to drain. Seriously? Does he think it will just get better on its own,  just magically clear up one day? And when I ask him about it, it is clear that YES, apparently that is what he thinks, or rather, he didn’t even notice.

My sister once wisely told me, we will have a long time ahead of us to enjoy a clean, picked up, uncluttered house but that quite possibly as we sit in the quiet disturbingly tidy living room a wave of loneliness will overtake us. Maybe there is joy in the midst of the mess? Because there is LIFE. Creativity, exploration, imagination, curiosity all around us. And if I’m so concerned with making sure everything is in its place and out of the way I just might miss it and before I know it the moments will have passed.

And so, as I do, I wonder if the same is true of my life. I am so concerned about the mess of my life. All this clutter in my heart and mind that I know is unpleasing to the Lord and needs to be tidied up. I come to Him daily asking to fix this and change that. Discontent with the condition of my everything.  Restless and overly concerned with how I might appear to others and what ugly things might surface. I have mastered the quick “clean up” to mask the things that exist underneath in order to make others feel comfortable or to think I have it all together. But God knows. And He still loves me! He still wants my time and attention. He says, I make all things new. I got this. You are being transformed daily (2 Cor 3:18) Find peace in the process. Rest in the restoration.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m certainly not encouraging complacency or lack of discipline. There are extremes. I just tend to live in the land of extreme over- concern with my “ungodliness” But maybe, if I took a leaf from my husband’s book and just believed that without MY efforts of trying to clean it up and make it better God will handle it. Is handling it. (And yes, in this analogy I am God by unclogging the sink- that’s beside the point;)

And could I too, find peace in the process of raising my children in an unkept home? And not filthy to the point of sickness but like on pinterest clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy. This life we live. The human condition. If you’re anything like me you try to fix it up, clean it up, make it better.

But maybe joy comes in accepting the moment as it is.

Accepting yourself as you are. Warts and all. God does.

Accepting my kids for who they are, what they are learning and what they are becoming. And stop trying to hide the fact that LIFE is taking place. Something about that just makes me feel content. In love with the fact that it is ok to live. 

On Earth as it is in Heaven. We won’t be fretting in Heaven… worrying about every wrong thought or motive. In the presence of the Father all will be right and perfect. So can we believe He has it now like He has it then? The endless fretting over what needs to be corrected could it be wasted time? Possibly a lack of trust? A restless spirit of unbelief in the One who said, IT IS FINISHED.

I will grasp the hand of my Father and trust He knows what He is doing. I will choose not to be consumed with how to fix my problems but to live in the moment and embrace the life I have been given. His grace is sufficient. And Lord, may my life be an example to my children- that they are free to live, learn, and love as messy as that may look- covered in grace and love.

And maybe, eventually, you just might get an invite to use my bathroom.

Join me to live this messy life resting in the restoration of God’s great love.