I have often prided myself on my ability to speed read through anything. I now realize I think I have a condition similar to bulimia when it comes to books. I binge read turning the pages furiously, emphatically agreeing with nearly every point the writer is making then a day later I set the book down and think, what was that even about? I'm not soaking in the nutrients as I should be. I just want the taste of the information and the affirming feeling of not being alone in my sentiments.
So I'm working on that. Taking my time. Obviously a little too much time.
I find it no coincidence that after reading a book about the deficiencies in modern day church I would gravitate towards a book that challenged me to reconsider my stance on church membership. The book is called, Lessons in Belonging, by Erin Lane.
Erin has a very easy readable writing style. She is humorous, genuine and cut to the chase honest. Which I no doubt love.
She touches on every issue, excuse, discontent and disconnect many of us battle when it comes to church going. And yet she beautifully expresses our deep, innate longing and desire to BELONG. She chronicles her own journey of attending a church in an effort to prove to herself and others that she ultimately CAN commit. Or can she?
This book in particular found me nodding my head and shouting YES in approval over and over again. But it also silenced me with the convicting reality of being one who complains but doesn't offer to jump in, get dirty and help to remedy the problem.
Her journey is not sugar coated, and I often wondered throughout the book if she used the REAL name of the church or changed it to protect those involved ;)
The last chapter for me was the most powerful. Most aligned with where I am, how I feel, what I want and figuring out what to do with this angst.
To live like we belong to the body of Christ requires the ability to hold many contradictions. Even in the structure of the word belonging itself we recognize that we have to figure out a way to be present in our current community while embracing our longing for change. I think many young people have found no echo for our longing in the church, not because we don’t care but because we care so much it hurts. It is not out of irreverence that we rebel against committing to the church and all of the unattractive words that come with it like submission and accountability. It is out of our reverence that we call it to higher ways, to be a better version of itself, a more creative representation of reality as we know it. I know it’s audacious to believe that I or anyone else knows what’s more real than the next glimpse. But I’d wager we’ve all caught glimpses of the heavenly reality with our own eyes. Those moments when we know in our flesh and bone that this, this is the kingdom come. This, this is why with we groan in earnestness to make it so, on earth as it is heaven.BUT and it's a big BUT- she points out that by remaining on the outside criticizing all the reasons we won't go in, WE are the very ones that can incite the necessary change. Clearly that can't and won't happen unless we are willing to offer ourselves, risk crossing the threshold and embark on a long arduous journey that requires patience, understanding, vulnerability, love and grace. It requires commitment.
After I began reading this book, I decided it was time to stop hunkering down and give a church a try.
I hate that it feels like dating. Dating is truly the worst. My husband and I often say if anything were to happen to either of us we would remain single. I struggle with it mostly because I HATE SMALL TALK. I'm just a cut the crap and let's get real kinda girl. I find no value in pretense or trying to project an image that is contrary to who I truly am.
So when it comes to church I feel the exact same way. Which is one of the things that initially attracted me to our former church. One of the worship leaders in between songs shared his testimony of alcoholism and attempted suicide. He attested to the life altering work of God in his life. I was sold. Sadly, with a number of changes pretense became priority and the real mess of life was shoved to the outskirts.
I long for that again.
Just real.
But too, as Erin says a better version of itself. Re-imagine the process. The "program".
Our quest to belong has only just begun. But I can thank Erin for helping to convince me it is truly necessary. If you need a push in that direction, I highly recommend grabbing this book!
And from now on I will only choose one book to review at a time. :)
*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the author and/or publisher through the Speakeasy blogging book review network. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR,Part 255.
