I sang a song growing up in church about Jesus standing at
the door and knocking:
Behold, behold, I
stand at the door and knock
Behold, behold, I
stand at the door and knock, knock, knock
If anyone hear my
voice if anyone hear my voice and will open open open the door
I will come in
All you good church going folks will be humming the tune the
rest of the day.
The thing is, I had always understood that song and the
passage from whence it was derived to apply to “sinners” or those who had not
already answered the call of Christ.
What is rather, (disturbingly) interesting for me is, John
wrote that verse in Revelation, as a plea to the Church. This information I did not discover on my
own, but a dear friend of mine revealed to me at the end of last year. I was shocked. And almost incredulous. How dare someone
attack my childhood Sunday school song and claim my understanding of it was
inaccurate!!?
But indeed, when I myself looked at the passage I could not
deny the truth of the context. The thing
is, my previous (mis)understanding of the verse was not “bad” and I do believe
Christ beckons each and every one of us to him. God is working in and through
all things that we may behold His glory and praise His name. The problem with my understanding is it set
ME apart from everyone else. As if my
door was already wide open just emmanting with the presence of Christ. Ah contrare.
So how, might you ask could one who has “believed” in Christ
be on the other side of a closed door?
I allow so many things to get in the way of Christ. So.
Many. Things.
Even things that are an attempt to be “closer” to Him can
sometimes take the place OF Him. I begin worshipping the process. The system.
The order in which things are supposed to be done because the Bible tells me
so. Or everyone else around me seems to be doing them and appear to be further
ahead. And all the while Jesus waits… knocks… waits and says, “When you’re
ready, come and get it.” This life
abundant that I promised, the one with no strings attached. The life where law
does not bind you, where the Spirit leads you in complete and total
FREEDOM. Where it isn’t your job to make
sure everyone around you is upholding Biblical morals but your life is an
overflow of love and people can’t help but WANT what you have. Nor is it your job to compare where you are to where someone else is.
Selena might truly be the mouthpeice of God- even if she
doesn’t know it. I have blocked Him out
in an effort to know Him more. In my own strength. By my own power. Striving, trying.
Implementing new programs, new studies. Reading the latest books and new ways
to pray, study, meditate, serve. And I’m not downplaying those or saying they
haven’t been useful in allowing people to grow in their relationship with
Christ. But when those “tools” become my focus I start to rely on them to save
me instead of my Savior. I become superior minded. I think I somehow have this
faith thing all figured out because my system is so very “godly”. Church
attendance- check. Quiet times… eh.. read my Bible- check. Pray without ceasing… uh, talk to God when I
need help- check. Attend Bible study-
check. Give money- check. My task list
is complete and I sit smugly closed up in my holy home all the while Jesus
wonders when He can come in and visit. And if I’m really honest, who is it
really for? My checklist means that I can prove to others I’m on the straight
and narrow. Others can see my good works. I can earn the praise of others when
it appears I can achieve this thing called the “Christian life”.
It is so much more manageable and controllable when my faith
is a check list. And for the majority of my walk, I haven’t been “ready”. I like what is secure, comfortable and easy.
Jesus was and is anything BUT.
He lived and loved radically. His words and actions were jaw
dropping for those who had this faith thing all figured out. He was led by God
and guided by love. Which are really one
in the same.
He was unpredictable yet always true to His word. This Jesus
knocks. On the hearts of those who have become chillingly cold. Who have
accepted the truth but then run with it
in (my) their own strength to produce a “super” Christian façade so everyone
can see how godly (I am) they are. Shivering in (my) their dismal home wondering why it seems so
hard most times and where is the abundance I was promised?
“When you’re ready, Jesus says, Come and get it.”
I think I’m ready. I’m ready to drop my tools. I want Him to
lead always. I want my door to be wide open willing to take whatever step He
asks me to take. To join Him on an
abundant, unpredictable adventure. Trusting He’s got it. He always has. He has
overcome. And He who has overcome the world LIVES IN ME.
I want to live like I truly believe that. And stop closing
him out with all of my “religious” practices.
