Ok no not really. But it seems lately everyone has at least
10 or 20 reasons for something. Or has written and open letter. I didn’t want
to be left out.
And while on the subject, this is the reason why I haven’t
really posted anything in a long while.
Many of my closest friends have encouraged me to write, saying that I
have a voice that the world needs. Yet I read around the blogosphere and I
realize I’m not really saying anything new.
I’m not the first to question my faith, lose a close friend, be a mom of
twins or deal with past regrets or pain. I’ve found myself wanting, needing,
craving SILENCE. Silence my thoughts and all the voices and opinions around me…
Ways I should dress, worship, believe, behave, think, pray, reconcile, parent,
wife… etc. etc.
I have been in a state of cynicism and truly the last thing
the internet needs is another bitter person voicing their frustration for all
the world to read—even more so, a so called “Christian”.
Aside from the political arena, which I clearly have an
opinion on, I have noticed that there is an extreme discord among Christians
all over. So much anger. So much finger
pointing and blaming.
I find myself getting sucked into this way of thinking.
Certain radio hosts that truly make my skin crawl. I judge because she is
self-righteous. Certain radio preachers that are so very conservative. I
judge because he is so narrow minded.
Bloggers that harp on other pastors for being too patriarchal. I judge because
she is too merciless. And oh if I could
just see past the plank in my own eye, I might notice that I too can be a self
righteous, narrow minded, merciless… you know what.
And I have realized, it is so much easier to focus on all
the negative. All that is wrong. The ways in which the church has failed and
other Christians have let me down. How no one seems to get a long and so many
open letters being written to one another for not thinking the “right” way.
So I have found myself with little to say. Which is very unusual.
And I have noticed myself actually enjoying life. I said the words, “I am
happy.” And cringed… waiting for lightning to strike. Like it is such a bad thing to feel
happy. When everyone else seems so very,
very UNhappy.
But with all I have battled through the last year, I can
confidently say, life is too short to get hung up on what I can’t control.
Which is everything and everyone other than myself. Who can even be
uncontrollable at times. And there is an insurmountable abundance of freedom in
that. You hear the quote if you want change, be the change you
want to see, and that is now my motto. I could use this blog to voice my
opinion on doctrine or scriptural interpretation. A platform to convince others
that believing in certain things will save them, make them better, improve the
world. But unless my life reflects one of gratitude, encouragement and
selflessness, what is the point?
I want to invite my readers to LIVE. To invest their time into what matters. To
unplug if necessary and ignore the plethora of opinions and open letters that
are floating around and will always be around.
I find it exhausting trying to keep up. And I mourn over
time and energy wasted. Several bloggers
out there are trying to be encouraging and uplifting. Honest and authentic. I
appreciate those and often walk away feeling lighter.
So I hope to do the same for others.
Ultimately, I want to inspire everyone to pursue the things
that make them SHINE. To find beauty in
their days despite the ugly that might be all around them. To find Joy. Peace. Gentleness. Kindness.
Love.
These fruits are worth pursuing. Worth spending headspace
on.
So consider this an open letter to all the open letters out
there. Can we use our words to uplift
rather than tear down? To maybe find what is being done RIGHT rather than
criticize all that is being done wrong? To join hands and fight against the
popular opinion that we must be heard and we must be right and just simply
love.
I get it. I understand the NEED to project an opinion. I fall
into the trap daily- especially as a writer. Even maybe in this very
moment. But I want to put my weapons
down. And just outstretch my arms and
give the world and everyone in it a big, giant hug. We are all doing this thing called life
together. And many will still bring out
their big guns. But we DO have a
choice. To pursue peace or demand
division.
It may be I have found 20 reasons why NOT to blog. But for
now I want the world to know, I have been blessed beyond measure. My family. My
friends. My GOD. I am always loved and God is always good. I am so very thankful and pray I will never
lose sight of the abundance even when it seems scarce. Even if I happen to
disagree with a fellow sojourner.
2013 has truly been an unforgettable year, and not in the best way. Yet I find myself grateful for the lessons I have learned from some truly, life-altering and difficult circumstances. It seems I have learned more in the last year than in all 31 others combined. And so I approach the new year with a new perspective:
- Never take any relationship for granted- tell those you love just how much you love them
- Slow down and notice, REALLY notice life around you
- Say thank you always, every day
- Oh be careful little mouth what you say
- It's OK to like yourself even if others don't- it actually starts with you anyways.
Thank you- to those of you who continue to read. May your Christmas be filled with joy and the new year full of life, love and adventure.
