#Belief

If Oprah hadn’t done it, you know good and well I was on a mission to have it done.

Can I tell you how much I loved it? How my poor husband had to endure nights of my deep questions and annoying exuberance?

This world. This earth. This life. All the beauty in it. I was just overwhelmed. Amazed. And I felt something I haven’t felt in quite a while. INSPIRATION.

I have long held my Christian beliefs. And I grew up believing we were the right ones. We have the ONLY truth. We serve the ONE true God. As I have gotten older it has become apparent to me that is what everyone thinks about their own personal faith. Why can anyone claim a corner on the market of GOD? It brings to mind the ancient story of the blind men and the elephant. Each is touching a different part describing the elephant as undeniably such, unable to grasp the whole picture.

Isn’t that what we are all doing? Barely scratching the surface of an Infinite Being. All of us wanting to describe God as WE know Him and understand Him to be -based on our cultural biases and religious texts.

I watched each story with fascination. I cried more times than I can count.The realization that (most) everyone seeks the Beyond. Everyone, at some point questions the meaning of existence. I know many may ask and seek no further. But in each case featured on the series, these people of faith lived what they believed. Pursued the Divine. And it was breathtaking. And I couldn’t help but think of Heaven. Where every nation, tribe and tongue will be worshiping God. I know I rival Franklin Graham when I say this but maybe, just maybe, God is so big and so vast and so indescribable we each are touching only a portion of Him with our understanding.

There is so much anger and hatred and division in our world. I think we fear what we don’t know or understand. If we made the effort to study one another, other cultures, faiths and ideas could we have a greater understanding? Do we have to agree? No. Can we debate such ideas? Potentially, but only with great care and maturity. After watching this series I realized I have so much to learn. And that one day I really want to participate in the Hindu Holi day.

I will highlight a few of my favorites. The first was that of the Nigerian Muslim Religious leader and the Christian Pastor. The history of hatred and violence between those two religions in that area alone is spattered with unnecessary and innocent bloodshed. Both were justified in their anger towards one another. They were true enemies seeking to destroy one another. Until they had a meeting with a reporter that encouraged them to reconcile. They were able to hold fast to their faiths agreeing that forgiveness was something they could agree on. Both faiths teach forgiveness. Which is precisely what they have done. And now they travel together to Muslim communities-- this Christian pastor puts his life at risk in an effort to offer peace. He says, “I pray for him to become Christian, and he prays for me to become Muslim. But we are both stubborn.” Yet they work together he said for the sake of the children. These precious souls that carry the responsibility of how they will operate and respond to those who may not believe as they do. These men are showing them an honorable example of what it means to truly forgive.

The second was similar in nature. It took place in Israel--an equally if not more religiously divided place. A man of no religious affiliation, instead, a love for music, has composed an orchestra of musicians that include Jews, Christians, and Muslims. They practice together. They play together. And together they create beautiful music. Differences aside. Tears rolled down my face as I watched the concert that was filled with spectators and musicians alike that have shared a violently divisive past because of religion yet sat peacefully experiencing this moving symphony together. United.

The final highlight (so hard to limit to three!) was the Australian- Dr. John. I'm sure being from Australia helped as well as his accent which was mixed with a South African background, but he was such a genuine soul. One I felt connected to. I empathized with him. And yes, cried with him. He went on the "camino" hike--500 miles stopping at popular Catholic spots. He had lost his faith after viewing the horrific acts unfold before him as he fought in the civil war in South Africa. Many people joined him on the hike and he would speak to every individual he came across. It was so beautiful. The people. The hike. The emotion that overcame him as he entered a church for the first time in 40 years. They came together to have a meal and I wanted so badly to be transported there. To sit among each pilgrim and hear their story.

I wonder what the world might look like if we were able to find the things we actually agree on? If we could put our differences aside and focus on Love and Forgiveness? Isn’t that the way of Christ? I would argue that most religions agree on those two things.

Now before you start commenting or private messaging me your concern for my eternal destiny and tell me how dangerous this road is I’m walking-- that I’m headed down a slippery slope, please know I am not renouncing my faith in Christ. I DO believe he died to save the world. That HE is the savior of THE WORLD. That when He whispered it is finished He meant it. I believe the Bible is a beautiful book that tells us the story of many lives influenced and affected by God. And throughout the whole thing it points to redemption through Christ. Restoration has already begun.

I just want to raise awareness to the fact that we are so conditioned by our culture and upbringing. Our faith hinges so much on what part of the world we were born and in what family we were raised. I want to release God from the confines of my understanding and interpretations. I need him to be bigger. Indescribable. Uncontainable.

Eugene Peterson’s interpretation of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13 says it better than I could ever compose:

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Oh. my. goodness. 

I just need to take a moment.

I long for the day our incompletes are canceled. 

Until then I will hold all of my thoughts and ideas with open hands. Fully knowing whatever they may be they are ultimately incomplete.

And I will honor the journey other people are on. Respecting the fact that they seek truth as much as I do. And desire to be complete. Any position I argue will be on the basis of love and love alone.

And if you didn’t get a chance to watch it and want to, you better believe I recorded it.. so come on over! I promise to maintain my composure.

thoughts on an open door policy

I see the church as a field hospital after battle. It is useless to ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and about the level of his blood sugars! You have to heal his wounds. Then we can talk about everything else. Heal the wounds, heal the wounds. And you have to start from the ground up.—Pope Francis

The fear in stepping out in faith comes from many angles. But mostly from well-meaning believers expressing “concern”. 

Why does the church exist? I have to ask. To spread the gospel of Christ. This Christ who is full of grace and truth.

What is the truth?

There is none righteous, not even one. (Rom. 3:10)
For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Rom. 3:23)

For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son that who so ever believes in Him may not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

For it is by grace we have been saved through faith, which is a gift of God that no man may boast. (Eph. 2:8)

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.…" (Matt. 16:24)

For far too long church has somehow generated a reputation of being judgmental and merciless.

They will know we are Christians by our criticism, judgment, hypocrisy, pretentiousness, standing up for our rights LOVE.

I am overwhelmed lately by the magnitude of the calling God is placing on our hearts. Stewarding broken lives is such a huge task. To fail them yet again is just reaffirming their distrust in church. And while I agree that blaming people for ones disbelief in God is a cop-out, I also believe we do not hold ourselves to a high enough standard when it comes to loving others radically.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice. (Matt. 9:13)
Mercy triumphs over judgment. (James 2:13)
“Or are you envious because I am generous?” (Matt 20:1-16)

Who can say, I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin? Differing weights and differing measures—the Lord detests them both. (Prov. 20:9-10)

‘Son, you don’t understand. You’re with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found!’” (Luke 15:31-32)

‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”  (Matt. 18:21-35)

For while we were STILL SINNERS Christ died for us. (Rom. 5:8)

A wretch like me. Who am I to stand in the place of judgment?  

"The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being." (Prov. 20:27)
"For man looks at the outside but God looks at the heart." (1 Sam. 16:7)

I am brought to tears, literal sobs when I listen to this song lately. 

Because with all that I am I long for His kingdom to come. For His words to be true. For His sacrifice to have been enough for ALL of us. That if we are seeking we will find. That He desires to restore all that is broken. That He sees our hearts. Those of us desperate to honor Him by loving others unconditionally. For we know that it is His kindness that will lead us to repentance. When faced with the unfathomable beauty of free forgiveness. Of unrelenting love and grace. Compassion and Mercy. That is when I fall on my face and proclaim- Behold the Son of God who takes away the sins of the WORLD. He is the one I worship and adore. The one I believe has conquered death to bring us LIFE and LIFE abundant.

To know this love. It is indescribable. And so often for me UNBELIEVABLE. This is THE answer for the hope that we profess.  It is GOOD NEWS.

My heart will sing, no other name.

Jesus.

And nothing else. You cannot add to or take away. He alone is our salvation. This serving, humble, loving, forgiving, gentle, kind, meek, patient, merciful king. His power is not executed by force or fear. But by unrelenting, unconditional love.

To know Him, really KNOW him- not just of Him or about Him. Not the Bible and all its laws and moral code. TO KNOW CHRIST- is to LOVE HIM.

This is the man that dined with those deemed “unworthy” and no where does it indicate that those sinners immediately turned from their sin. But that didn’t stop Jesus from pursuing them. Loving them. Serving them. Having a meal with them.

“Jesus came to save sinners (Luke 19:10). Tradition, cultural bans, and the frowns of a few do not matter when a soul’s eternal destiny is on the line.”

"Unlike the Pharisees, Jesus didn’t require people to change before coming to Him. He sought them out, met them where they were, and extended grace to them in their circumstances. Change would come to those who accepted Christ, but it would be from the inside out. Jesus knew better than anyone that the kindness of God leads sinners to repentance (Romans 2:4)."
{Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/Jesus-with-sinners.html#ixzz3Awt7nwwp}

If His grace is sufficient for me it is sufficient for all. Period.

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst.” (1 Tim. 1:15)

Amen and Amen a thousand times Amen.

If I am going to err, I desire to err on the side of love. Because when I die, I would much rather hear, Aimee, you loved too much, than- Aimee, you loved too little.  

Let us all strive for Well Done, Faithful Servants.

Build your kingdom here, Lord.

check out the website of the church we are helping to launch in Frisco!! http://www.mosaicfrisco.com/

A Holy Anger

While wandering in this spiritual funk for the last several months I have observed a couple of things.

1.       There are a lot of people out there with numerous, varying and differing opinions on how    to follow Jesus (including this very blog ;)

2.       Opinions are all well and good but actions speak louder than words

I have found myself growing angry about morality debates among Christians and how ridiculous we must appear to those looking in on our “loving” community demanding that WE have the right interpretation of what Jesus meant when He said… or what it means when the Bible says…

I admit, I have been engaged in some of this unnecessary, unedifying and unproductive debating. It causes me to become angry and bitter and I realize then that is exactly where the enemy wants me to be. We can hold onto our staunch beliefs about clothing and lifestyle and impose it toward others claiming if they were “true” followers of Jesus they would or would not do, say, or wear certain things. I too can sit in my personal ideologies and force others to think the way I do or force Jesus into my Westernized culture to fit His words into what makes sense to me now. But I have come to realize that forcing an idea or pushing any morality agenda doesn’t seem to be very effective. I find when my blood is boiling and anger is stirring within me, my desire to “be heard” and to “be right” overrides the actual basis of the reason for my faith: LOVE.

Because this: " If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

My over action involving myself in reading about others ideas and opinions and riling myself up over them compared to my inaction in actually loving people and living out my faith is astonishingly embarrassing.

While I remain uncertain on a few things, this I KNOW. God is Love. And I have been commanded to love Him and love others as well as I love myself.

I have learned that my discontent as of late has not really been with God but with false pretenses or presumptions I have BELIEVED about God. The stripping away of those while strange, and often times painful is actually becoming very freeing.

So then there’s this: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

This verse is the mission verse behind my friend Leslie’s orphanages in Uganda and Ethiopia. Having endured the horrific and tragic loss of her daughter Marissa, my friend Leslie, along with her husband Ken and son Gabriel took it on themselves to build 2 orphanages in her daughter's name.

While I know Leslie wishes she could turn back time and get Marissa back, she bravely faces every day determined to love God and love others the best she can, and pours her life into providing for the beautiful children in these establishments.

So when Leslie told me casually in our last conversation about her recent trip to Uganda, that she was unable to stay at the orphanage because there was no running water, I naturally asked, “How much would it cost to put in a well?”

$10,000

To change the way of life for 23 children and at least 4 of the workers that live with them.

Now there’s a new fire burning in me. And a holy anger motivating (not guilting) me to pursue this pure and faultless religion. To walk away from debating morality and start diving into meeting needs around the world in LOVE. I’m tired of my inaction. Weary of fighting worthless battles that at the end of the day will not point anyone to the loving arms of Jesus. I’m ready to live a life of love. And not just talk about it.

These beautiful children.

Created by God. Made in His image. Worthy of clean water.

The kind I drink everyday without a second thought as I hop online to view the next opinion out there on how I need to be living.

Check out this website. Marissa's House

And if you are as motivated as I am to be LOVE instead of just talk about it, consider donating or at the very least sharing this campaign with any and every one you know.

And be encouraged by what has been graciously encouraging me:" For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

God sees your heart. That’s all that matters. Not even MY opinion :)

Will you join me on a mission to change the living conditions for these beautiful children?

More than a Glimpse

My eyes are peeled as of late. Fully aware that God is active. Revealing himself all around me. I admit I have been consumed with my thoughts and have hermitted away inside my head. For that reason I would say my heart has been hardened and my eyes blinded. I have been reading recurring verses and thoughts about how we are to encourage and lift one another up. It seems as though my honesty is a little less than encouraging or uplifting.

When I survey my life there is a blindingly obvious blessing in the person of my husband. More than a glimpse, this man has embodied to me the love of Jesus on a day by day, minute by minute basis. If you follow this blog you can imagine the depth of conversations I force him to engage in. The combination of being a deep thinker plus having quality time as my number one love language can make a torturous evening for a man that enjoys the simple things in life.

After 7 years of marriage he has yet to blow up at me for the nitpicking I indulge in. It should be a huge sign that the majority of my focus on all he fails to do right is pretty much a projection of my inward struggle to attain perfection. This man is solid. And I often think if the tables were turned I would have bailed long ago. 

The first day we met I was turning 20. He was a mere 18. So young! I had been on my desperate search to find "the one" pretty much since age 5. Boy crazy barely scratches the surface. But my background having been influenced by books like, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and When God Writes Your Love Story really limited me in my choices of who I "should" be with. All those types that fit into the christian author's perfect description of what kind of man I needed, wanted nothing to do with me. So my quest broadened to whoever pays attention to me, I will give a fair chance. And by the blessed grace of God the man that paid attention was Simon.

And with the typing of that last sentence I can't hold back the tears. 

He had no claimed faith in Jesus, at the time, and during our second encounter he was hungover. Any good Christian girl would have fled the scene. Been completely disinterested. And in a way, I tried to be. Tell myself I deserved better. Little did I know the best was yet to come. I was strongly drawn to him. He was/is a man of character and integrity. Hard working, fun loving, stress free. An instant friend, stranger to no one. Plus, the Aussie accent, 6'4" chiseled baseball player build and enchanting smile didn't hurt :)

But one of his most impressive attributes and continues to be, is his respect for and treatment toward women. He speaks highly of his mother always. Loves, admires and respects his older sister. And one of my favorite memories of our early dating days (he would say we WERE NOT dating at the time) was when we were enjoying a lovely spring afternoon sitting alongside the brick wall near the cafeteria. Two girls from my dorm that played on the volleyball team walked past us wearing dresses. He spoke out to them and commented on how nice they looked in their spring dresses. It was the most sincere non-pick up line compliment I had ever heard. They swooned. And I could have been so jealous, and not to say there wasn't that middle school girl in me growling. But at that moment I was so PROUD to be the girl by his side. So honored that he was confident enough in himself and our friendship that he could pay other women a true compliment without it being sleazy. 

The unfortunate part of this story is I continued to read those books and evaluate every aspect of our relationship through them. I would call him in distress, worried that he didn't quite fit the mold (even after he gave his life to Jesus). Our relationship didn't look like the perfect, pure "Christian" relationship I was reading about. All these rules and strict ideas about how to date and we were falling short. But somehow HE was the problem. If only I could have put the books down and picked up a mirror. And all those things that he should be doing, how much time he should be reading the Bible, leading us in prayer- yes all good things, but my sister said the other day, "You know, I would almost rather a husband willing to take out the trash than one who sits around reading his Bible alot." Amen. Amazing how actually serving communicates quite a bit more than reading about serving.

I called my grandma after we had gotten engaged in a sheer emotional panic. How do I know I'm making the right choice? I was so confused by all I had read and all I was afraid of. My grandma is a wise woman. Gentle, calm, not often emotional or irrational. She told me she believed Simon would be a great husband for me. And those simple, yet very wise words could not be any truer. Without any effort on my part he has proven to be the most incredible husband a girl could ask for or dream up. And I wonder for his sweet sake, if all that time and energy focused on making him fit the mold could have been redirected toward enhancing myself as a loving partner- how much better could his life have been? And who really in the relationship seemed to understand what our faith was all about in the end?

After all the forcing him into a box I tried, he STILL loved me. And not a day went or goes by by that he didn't/doesn't tell me. I never had to wonder if he thought I was beautiful because he would and still tells me day after day. This gracious man. When it would have been so much easier to walk away after all my harping on him, he stuck by my side. And gosh that sounds a lot like the love I hear God has too. 

So here is this man in my life. Who didn't fit the mold but models to me on a human scale the gracious, unconditional love that I don't deserve, that I didn't earn but that I so thankfully receive. And it looks and sounds and feels so much like the love of Jesus. 

He is my blinding glimpse into the GREATER that exists. And his Aussie accent, 6'4" frame and enchanting smile are an added bonus.

 

I love you babe. Thank you for loving me and helping me keep the faith.

Join me in recognizing the people in our life who love us graciously and show us a glimpse of the GREATEST love.